Sharras' soap box

6:49pm: hmmm Blizzard FFXI and Pricings
So as you all know I was hard core in FFXI but that went south and I started playing WoW. That stopped when I moved. Now I've been playiong Warcraft III and I'm into the orc campaign. Seeing the back ground story of the game WoW makes me miss it alot. I decided I might start again. So I went to see if I could access my account. I did and I got a 141mb patch. I downloaded it and began the patch it had a critical error very common for the mac. Even though I still have better graphics rendering then most. SO far I've had a critical error during EVERY patch which means I have to uninstall and reinstall the entire game and all the patches. As soon as another new patch would download it would happen again. Server crashes were/are common beyond common, more like a day to day thing. Was the reason I had no problem leaving. Secretly I'd love to join FFXI again. Join my old LS and start over they are all lvl 50+ now and they all loved me So I know that they would be more then willing to help me. Start off as a BLM bringing that to lvl 20 Going back to WHM and maining WHM/BLM once I get my subjob. GOD I MISS THEM ALL... I've been in contact with Vira and Alia and they say it's not the same since I left it's all lvling and no RP/Social interaction. I dunno I don;t think I could afford to go back. That and I don't think my room mates would like me hogging the band width all the time. More so with my schedual playing after work would not happen cus my ride home is a bitch in a half after a long day and I'm to tired half the time to play. I dunno time will tell. Brings me to the last comment. John my room mate for my 22nd Bday is paying for me to get my nipples pierced. I'm nervous but we shall see.

12:57am: can't pay the bill(s)?
As some of u may know i'm taking a "vacation". Unpaid vacation sponsored by mass law and an absent minded HR lady. I've come to the realization i can't pay rent this month or potentially my car payment. /cry
Justin says he's gonna take care of it and when i'm a nurse
and making a pretty penny it's my turn to care 4 him.
I'm drunk spent an hour trying to write this ansd failing this is the 3rd time i've been drunk in the last 2 days I plan on increasing that.

2:23pm: it hates me
OK so my potty in "our" (as in justin and mine) bathroom hates me for some reason whenever i use the bathroom the poty cloggs or won't flush enough and fills and fills and fills. It's ICKY it hates me so. O well we are supposed to get fixed soon... If our landlord ever shows up.

As for other shite. I went to the kitchen to rinse a dish before i left for work. I get to the sink and it's full. I was like can't u ppl put the dishes in the dishwasher.....pause pause.... well maybe it's full. Can't u ppl empty the dishwasher???? I open the dishwasher and IT'S EMPTY!!! EMPTY I TELL YOU. So I fill the dishwasher but not enough to do a load.

Then I look at the bed room as I get some stuff for work. Justins lawundry from last week is still on his computer chair. BABY put ur clothes away it's been almost a week since we did laundry last and pretty soon we will be doing it again. I don't have the luxioury of waiting a week for laundry and another to put them away. I have just enough to go from one week to the next.

I can deal with it for a couple days but this is unreal!!! Honestly I can deal witha little mess for a few days but like I said week or so is just to unreal. O well I got to jet to work. Peace out more bitching later on cya...

2:15pm: blah blah blah
Okies things are better, apparently ppl mis understood the MAIN part of my last post so I plan to delete it. when ever i'm having a conversation with him he doesn't take it seriously when I'm having a semi or serious coversation and says/does/doesn't do things that eventually hurt my feelings. Like when i'm expressing an idea or consern he intergects with something that eventually hurt my feelings. Or pushes me to a point intellectually that backs me against a wall and the only feeling i can have is to lash out, cry etc etc. anywho i have to leave for work soon.I talked to justin about the issues I was having and he is trying to work on the major issue i have. TTYL peace!

12:47am: omfg what a night at the club
SO the fairlawn hoes strike yet again....

6-7 staff members including myself decided to go to the Atrium in worchester last night. It was amussing on many levels. First my coworkers were like justin doesn't care? I was like no, he said to go if i wanted and he honestly doesn't give a shit as long as I behave and like a good little dancing monkey I was good liuttle dubie for my organ player (hehe organ). So my boss/suporvisor M (we will call her) an LPN (who is having problems with her husband, getting a divorse, she's 32 and an ex-swimsuite model 3 kids and the body of a playboy playmate. Can we say trophie wife only???? Well she took me Syn, Ang, and W to the club were we meet up with Brit and Pat and there friends. (9 ppl total in our entourage) Well W was giving driections (he's the only guy that came.... leads to interesting story that happened later on) well she (M) gave him one of her portfolio's full of almost naked modeling, omg nearly creamed myself when i saw them so u can guess how he reacted. WEll he was so engrossed he forgot to tell her the exit to take us to worchester. And we were well on our way to boston before we were able to change directions cus no one listened to me. Well leap forward we get there, I give my ID and cash to M to carry since I wasn't wearing a bra or pockets... I gave W my smokes and lighter. We get in I ran to the bathroom had to pee badly. Heard an interesting comment from one of the girls I was chit chatting with in line. "When you go to the club ppl either dress to impress or dress drunk". Hehe I loved that and it's so true... Well we get a drink that was god like with tequila and Smirnoph with lime/lemon something or other. We finally get settled on the dance floor and not even a minute into the first song that played since we got there. some brazillian guy had his pecker grinding on my bum grinding in rythem on the music. So I went with it at first hey not bad for the fat chick in skanky clothes that are older then her used car. But after a drink and about 4-6 songs later my thighs were getting sore (i'm SO outta shape)) granted I was getting wild on the dance floor. (didn't pace my dancing) I was beggin ppl to get the guy off me so I could slow it down but no one came to my aid more songs pass and I was starting to fail-ish I was stumbling as I danced and he was still grinding his shite on me. So I went forward and started lesbian style dancing with Pat. Wouldn't u know I went down to the floor and umm hehehe stayed down I feel on my ass!!!!! I played it off as being drunk and stumbled to the nearest bathroom to regroup my body. After a song or two I regrouped with my club mates and they tweeked on me like betty where the fuck did you go???? I was like I needed to go to the bathroom. Well they drag me to the smaller dancefloor playing rasta. which is in a smaller room about the size of my old kitchen at my parents. closed in Gazeebo style arches and railings around it with a fullly stocked bar. Well I'm dancing with the crew and yet another guy is grinding on me. But at least this time the guy catch my attention before he was up on me. I look over and W and M are gropeing eachother sucking face and touching some other parts ;) Everyone from Fairtlawn was like OOOO SNAP (yes at work and with them I get in touch with my old school ghetto me, so sorry) Everyone was saying "DDDDDAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNNN!" Skip forward, back to the other dance floor another guy is dancing with me, even worse when I tried to escape cus he was fucking ugly, with a capital FUGLY!!!! He fallowed me around the club. Finally while I was looking for M for my money for more booze and W for my smokes (yes they disappeared for 1 hr or so with all my stuff). Well I gave up bumbed a butt from someone and leached off others for booze. Point to note my first time at the club I almost got kicked out for not following their rules on bring drinks out to the drinking area and returning to the club. The cop was very mean to me about it. But didn't kick me since it was my first time and the only reason it came up that I was a newbie to this club as I asked him which way I enter since I already paid and got my arm band. They finally return later on get my money and a rum and coke cus i had no idea what the fuck to order but I wanted something hard in a mixed drink). Ok now back to the main stage all of a sudden in mid song the entire dance floor goes black music stoped and the power died they blew their circuit braker for the main dance floor. So we all filed into the smaller dance floor while the 18-20s almost all seemed to leave. Getting to the dance floor was hard I was being pulled by Pat. I get stopped at an arch way and being pushed from behind and in front so to keep my balance I grabbed top of the arch while this bigger guy behind me started grinding me and dancing to the music with me. The Guy in front seemed to be instigating a "betty sandwich" for his friend. well I was loosing my balance more and put my other hand up so I'm arrest style spred across the arch way. Well big boy behind me thought this was me getting into the "dancing". Starts running his hands down my sides and along my breasts profile then made his way to the crotch and one hand inside. I ripped his hands from me turned and back handed him. Then Pat my lord(ess) and savior saved me yet again. Hey little while later, guy from earlier gets my attantion and smiles nods and starts to dance when I return the proper club edict to his body language invite to dance with me. ((Yes guys need to learn proper club eddict when attemping to find a female to dance with. Approch, subtle smile, nod head move ment to suggest moving to dance floor together and wait for a smile and nod in return that means the girl said yes, it is now ok to move behind her and put ur cock on her ass and start "dancing") everyone get that there will be a test later on, please practise before the test. hehee I R SILLY). I start to dance with him and we are hard core dancing. I'm having a blast getting mad props (for give my ghetto) from my crew. The guy turns me around and I realize things are going further then I wanted, but I play along being careful not to get to close there was a small distance between our bodies I was dancing on his leg to keep a distance from his pee pee. WEll he kept pulling me closer and closer nuzzleing my neck and started to try to move in for a kiss, me I moved my head back and tried to move my body back but there was little room to really move anywhere. So I just kept to averting his advancements. The finally he managed to kiss my neck and try for the face and I leaned in and whispered in his ear.... "I'm engaged" You should have seen him jump back like he found I had leprosy or AIDs. He appologised in his hindu accept and I smiled saying it's forgiven and not to try anymore, he and I continued to dance the rest of the night, when the lights came on and the music stopped I smiled and thanked him for dancing with me. He told me his name, which in translation means Wish. I told him my name we shook hads and a formal greeting and departed. That was the end of the amussing part of the club night except for the interesting but not worth noteing ride home. Except for this one statement I made when talking to my Boss M about me being Bi sexual.

"If justin would let me have a girlfriend for club purposes only I'd take her to the club both dresssed in our most provacitive outfits dance as nasty as we can and make out constantly to make all the horny guys a the club drool and cream there pants".

ok that's my update Yes I'm alive me and justin are great. BTW yes justin knows every detail of what happens and he's cool with it I'm going again this friday. it's gonna become and every other friday thing on the weekends I have off. But depending on cash flow It will depend cus clubbing will cost me about 25 bucks. And just be happy if u didn't car for this uncut entry that I bothered to update. Cus as you know I don't do it very much.

2:22pm: Things you and I can live without
The following is a list of things that we as humans for somereason think are vital and can't live without. But the truth is only weaklings can't live without:

SLEEP
BREATHING
FOOD
KEEPING THEIR BLOOD IN THERE BODY!

7:36pm: hmmm....
so i was right about the boxes. I think i'm gonna stuff my clothes into trashbags again...i hope the boxes won't take up to much space or worse be to heavy. i need more smaller containers cus I have many little things it's the old pack rat in me. owell back to packing.

5:18am:

5:15am: ranting!!!!!!
Damn it all why is it when ever justin comes over at about 5-6pm i get whicked tried????? I think yesterday it was from all the food we eat for easter. After justin left somewhere between 5-6 pm i passed out hardcore and woke up at midnight.
Since then I have toss and turned. I am very crabby right now, i don't feel very good either, been nausious for the last few hours. I'm gonna be pissy all day too.

At 9:30 i have to bring my car to the dealership to get inspected so they can give me an estimate of how much the oil leak will cost me to fix. The first estimate i got was 600 bucks. If it's more then 100 bucks I can't afford to fix it now. So I will most likely just fill it with oil every few days till i've saved up enough to fix it. Another thing they still haven't payed me the 120 bucks they owe me for over paying for the car. I got this horrid feeling they will realize they forgot on thursday or worse friday.

Bet u wondering why thursday would be so bad. Well gonna be smack dab in the middle of packing in the AM and working in the PM till 11pm or later. I'm working every other day this week, so I don't have much time to pack. Rebecca is gonna help me pack wednesday. Hoping to get the majority of it done then. But with my luck, the day care and my mom's intervention I doubt it. I should start packing today but I'm not sure if that's possible at this moment in time dunno how long i will be stuck at the dealership plus after becca needs me to run arrands for her. What ever packing I have left to do I'm gonna do VERY VERY early friday morning. Like 4-5am if need be so everything will be ready to go for 9-9:30 am. lol I just wanna get outta here. That's why i'm leaving so early on friday. I can't take much more of her crap.

After i unload everything from Ed's truck. I'm kinda stuck for unpacking. Mostly cus I have no idea where to put anything. Heck i might just pack some of this stuff up perminantly cus it's usless junk. I need to get some small pretty boxes I gould put a few trinkets in so I can free up some space. Just had a thought about my computer desk. I could remove the top peices and turn it into an entertainment stand for the living room. Hey guys what do you think of that?

I wounder how justin's first day is gonna be he works at milipor in Jaffery now first day and all. Damn something just hit me with a sudden inspirtation to pack and mod. So if it doesn't take all day for my car i might kidnapp becca before her appointment to help me pack a little. but who knows for now. o well i just went on for a bit more thena planned. and i'm still going.

My legs hurt been sitting indian style for a while and now they are killing me. My legs have been giving me lots of pain lately. I think part of is it I'm no where near or even in the same ball park (screw ball park country) as i used to be with exercise. I've gained back everything i lost 2 years ago when i was doing marital arts. I smoke way more now then i did back then. Plus it's been an icky cold winter. I think I want to bring my treadmill with me to NH. Or just visit chris and cory's and borrow theirs Cus i need to loose some major weight. I'm something like 70 pounds over my ideal weight i'd weight 157 if i lost all that weight. God I'm a fucking cow!!!!!! MOOO!!!!!! But it's so weird cus no one believes me at work that I'm anything over 180 pounds. i wish i was 180 would be better then 227. Yes i weigh 227 pounds, My mom who looks 2 times my size weighs less then me.

GOD damn i have so much on my mind this morning i don't know what to talk about and it's so jumbled in my head i could cry. Dude why do i wanna cry. Gotta be PMSing. Well i have more to say but i'm tired of typing right now. Might rant more later

11:54pm: boxes boxes everywhere and not a roll of packing tape
So work was very nice to me they loaded my car to the steams with boxes to move. I got the horrible feeling it still wont be enough.... lol i have so many little trinkets and my clothes i don't own many but enough to fill a FEW (sarcasticly understated) boxes. My parents i think i letting me take the table my grams gave us. We arn't getting the living room set i was affered before cus it seems the love seat was promised to james and shawn tripped and fell and cracked to sofa in two. give u idea think a line backer for a prof football team takeing a running dive towards the couch. I'm so not looking forward to packing again 3rd time in little over a year, hope this will be the last time for a long time. I'm whicked excieted.

off topic

very ammusing conversation with loki
( funny convo stemming from a coversation about music and sex from the other day )

11:33pm: So OMG
guess what an OMG post not about sex!!!!!

I don't think i've been this happy in almost a 10 months. I'm moving back to NH but this time I'm living with justin and john. I'm a little scared not to thirlled about my commute to work. But I've longed for this since i came back to MA. I feel like I'm finally going home

8:58am: ( I R burbon 109 proof )

9:15am:

What would your psy powers be? by dameondrakan
Username
Your nemesis	morivala123
Your ally	llgames
Your alignment?	Chaotic Good
Who dies in the cross fire?	joyia
Your mentor	vampyre737
Your Psy power	Telepathy. Their will is yours.
Your Weakness	If you can't see, you can't use your power.
Your attitude	If they own it, it's yours.
Your backup weapon	A sword.
Chance of defeating your nemisis: 50%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

9:00am: tears that wont fall
I'm over tired, but lets put that to the side for a minute. When I was 15, only a coupple months before my 16th birthday I lost the 2 women in my life that I would have taken my own life for if they asked me. My Grandmother Honey and Great aunt Alice. Today was Honeys's memorial mass and like every year the same thing happens. Just like the day she died. I want to cry, tears form, i get choked up but nothing happens and i feela weight suddenly bearing down on me. When I lost Aunt Alice I cried tried to go to her wake but had to leave cus i couldn't see her like that. Then I lost my grams shortly after. I didn't cry in fact I didn't cry again untill my first year of college. I have since gotten help from friends to open up and share my pains. But still it elouds (sp) me. I know that so much of the cross I've carried would be lifted if I could cry for them. I want to make a trip down to the cape soon to her grave. But I'm hesisitance for a few reasons (in no preticular order)

Don't know the way to the cemetary or even which town it's in
I'm scared to face her as I am, I know she;s been watching over me but I'm still scared.
I'm afraid to cry/morn...

I know I need to morn it's been 6 years since I lost them both. Coinsidently that was the same time I started smokeing about 6 years ago. Hmmmm.... a step needed to take towards quitting I don't know????

Well don't have time to finish ttyl byes

7:35am: Star wars episode three....
For any of you that are interested/looking forword to the next star wars movie my dad was bouncing around online looking for the new trailer and he found this. Be prepaired to laugh your asses off.

http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviestarwarsepisode3.html

BTW it's not a link cus i'm to damn tired to do the coding nor am I at my laptop to have iit do the work for me. So copy and paste like a good little monkey and enjoy! TRUST ME IT'S WORTH IT!!!!

8:50am: hehe.... joy!
It's back! and better then ever! My laptop returned with a brand new casing. They replaced every bump crack etc.... I'm so happy and i don't need to have it pulled in 24/7 now

10:14am: explanation of present atendance
well it may seem i'm more attentive to my LJ and have even poped on Aim a couple times. Well there is a simple answer to that. I quit FFXI. I play WoW on my computer and at least once a week it's down so it gives me time to catch up with ppl.

Justin: "When did I start careing (implying how his hair looks)"
Me: "About the same time i started caring about how i look. Now that u look realy good and ppl tell you do daily u are starting to care. Same as me."

My hair is straight, burgandy with purple highlights, i do my make up daily, and got my nails done, i shave regularly now, and bought nice looking girly semi dressy clothes. be afraid! g2g though

9:59am:

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

9:47am: nice!

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	J-Pop
Quiz created with MemeGen!

9:32am: riiiiight


------------------------------------------------------------------------
i smoke way to muh have a not so great heart condition thingy and asthma wtf? I'm gonna suffer til i'm 71 AWW FUCK!

10:25am: alone in my room wanting to cry
Bet you thought my life was perfect right now!
Bet you thought my life was unshakible at this moment!
But no one knew the truth.
But no one knew the pain that I hid.
I had to let go!
I couldn't tand the lies anymore.
It took so much to say good bye!
We had so many good times and bad.
Good god, all the heart ache, suffering, frustration, laughter, tears, joy, gladness...
*grabs tissue to stop crying*
My best friend and my love.
When no one was with me alone in my room, you were with me.
When i left for NH u were a strength, by myside.
When i was sad and lonely in NH you were there, and now your leaving me.
Everything was so perfect....
We didn't fight (much).
I gave you my all.
Granted i know there was a time when i could have paid you more attention.
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to neglect you like that.
but it was 2 years.
Man the time has flown by.
Never thought it would last this long.
But then again never thought it would end.
Guess all good things come to an end.
i hurt you.
i know it's my fault.
You were all mine.
*lol* I broke you so many times.
But you mended yourself just fine.
But this time I hurt you,
broke you,
and must send you awayfrom me because there is nothing more i can do.

What??????????
i'm sending my laptop in for repairs to apple care! I'm heart broken! It's in need or major repair! what did you think i was talking about? Justin!?! Nah, he and i are doing great! I love you Justin *kiss*

3:05pm: sell ur soul to MMO RPG
Ok so I've soul my soul to yet another MMO RPG. Now I not only play Final Fantasy 11 but also World of Worldcraft! I'm on Dethecus. Playing 2 characters both night elves. one is a priestess the other a huntress. It's very addicting! I got James and Rebecca hooked. Justin plays too. So at any given time we all can play. the problem is kinda annouying i enjoy it so muchmore then FFXI but after playing it for over half a year I've made lots of friends that I don't want to leave them. poop. o well
Cya

1:27am: update
OMG WTF yeah life is funny not mine, my best friends but o well it's amussing in it's shittiness. BTW if u don't know i have a car.

6:50am: i find it funny that u ppl are finally taking the quizes from my Fav site mutedfaith.com. I've been active on that sites web comic and quizzes for years now. GLAD U CONVERTED!!!!!



Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"

Romantic Kiss
Lying in bed after making love and just doing whatever.

You Are 22 Years Old

22 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

damn so close 22 in may

6:24am: Thinking cus I can't sleep again
So u all know about my ramblings of my car issues.

More other ramblings

I need sleep. See 3 days ago I was working and had a crapy night. Got home had a crapy time on FFXI. Talked to my Friend from calli from 3:30am till like 5 or 6 am. I crashed and was awaken at 9 something Went to see Justin at Wally world. He messed up the which weekend it was and made plans to crash at my house. Came home did house work. Tried to nap before work and every dumb fuck and their mother called me or came buy. Needless to say I didn't sleep. Worked Justin showed up at like 9 something at my work and chilled in the dining room with me and my co workers watching Meet the parents in between me answering call lights and doing paperwork about the shift. Then just and I were up untill 2am talked alot about stuff but I can't remember a single topic now I'm so "meh". Then we *cough* yeah so anyways, after I tried to sleep but couldn't get comfy. I think I was so over tired I couldn't relax enough to sleep. I may have gotten an hour or 2 of consecutive sleep. Then got up,watched shawn of the dead and had chinese food (the movie was dumb) went out with Justin forget what we did, Just remmber car shopping. He dropped me off at home cus a quick look around turned into like 2-3 hours with this annoying car guy that didn't know anything about the car he was trying to sell me. Where as the first person we talked to at the sister car dealership he knew his shit, and I want him to get the commision on my sale. Not the dumb guy that was trying to stuff the car down my throat. I did test drive it. Had to say that car is SO NICE!!!!!!!!!!!! I got home. ~ back to my recap of the last 3 days. ~ did soemthing not sure what. Then somehow it was 6pm and I crashed, and I woke at 3am. Been up since. BTW if u never heard of them u HAVE to listen to Flogging Molly the Irish/American Band is the fucking shit!!!